WHAT ABOUT MY EXPERIENCE WITH THE ZIMBABWEAN MEN
The past two years, I have been studying Zimbabwean and other African men from a closer angle than I have ever done before.
When I started interacting with some Africans especially Zimbabwean people from November 2017, so many questions from Africans who were now becoming curious of what I was writing about. I wrote everything in Dutch and if I made a live video it was in Dutch. By then many could not translate through Facebook either.
I started translating my blog, speaking my mother language, English and , speaking in live videos. The first days it was challenging. But as time moved on, people started interacting. I felt like I was in Zimbabwe again. Speaking my mother language again after a very long time.
Many people liked my activities and my work representing our culture unknowingly, and unplanned for such a long time. I was very naive and trusted almost everyone. This is because I have left Zimbabwe in 1994 when everything was ok, economically, socially, and politically, I assume. As a child you probably miss some issues of the country. You just see and hear a few things but they were brushed off by our parents.
Knowing now about the issues of Africa and Western countries, wars, coups and the way modern colonialism is affecting the African man of today. It pains me to see how it has also affected lots of families that are no longer together because either the mom or dad died of injected diseases. People were separated and there are now fighting each other. Do you remember that when 2 or more stupid people are multiplying you cannot separate them? They are very good at uniting especially when there is a group of people whom they are bullying or taking control of to strengthen their behaviour.
Due to the above mentioned we have lost the
👉🏿 A father of the family that used to take care of his family
👉🏿 a young man who used to do anything when he fell in love with a girl.
👉🏿 A responsible young man who was loyal to his elders
In general, a confident man who didn’t need the Western world to emasculate him. I love my brothers and most of the things I write about is for them to feel confident when taking care of their families.
In most articles I wrote so far about myself, I never forget to mention how much I have enjoyed my childhood in Zimbabwe, especially in the village which is more than 12 hours drive from the capital city of Zimbabwe, Harare. I was already 13 when I went to the village. My dad was very protective such that he made sure I was being looked after by the bus driver and conductors. The journey was very long and my mom was mostly in the village, so I was excited to go to see her and experience the village lifestyle.
It’s not a surprise that my very first teenage love started there. He was a handsome young man whom I saw once in 3 months and in that 1 month we would see each other once or twice because he lives very far away from our own home. For him to come and see me, he had to walk a distance of 14 kilometers. Our village is surrounded by huge mountains but if a stranger I walking towards our home we could see there is someone walking. I remember my little brothers and my mom teasing me saying your boyfriend is coming look, half of the time it was true, and mostly I was full of dust in my legs. So I had to run and take a bucket of water to wash myself quickly. I was very nervous that I felt my tummy.
I never allowed him to touch me, because I was very young not knowing that 1994 was going to be the last time I saw him.
Coming to the Netherlands came to me as a surprise. I wasn’t mentally prepared because my brother found the job and within a few weeks we were supposed to follow him with his wife and kids.
Well the pain I felt was indescribable. The pain of leaving my mom behind and my dad, my siblings. My village boyfriend.
Well, the rest of the stories how I met my new husband now 21 years ago are in the other book, Humansbonded. Now you have an idea how my life as a woman was built up. Why I am still attached to Zimbabwe emotionally, and psychologically. When I left my boyfriend behind he was shocked too. He thought I ran away. It broke him too. We didn’t have phones by then so all we did was writing. I did write him when I was in the Netherlands. The Letter went through my mom. So he received it after walking that distance again and I was nowhere to be found except a letter. I can imagine how painful that was to him.
I wonder if my mind stayed there, if my time stopped there. Because all what happened in Europe was out of love too, but probably not as organic as then back home.
All these years in the Netherlands, I went to college, I had to learn the language, get to know the new society, sometimes rejected, sometimes welcome. I had to learn to adjust very quickly, but my years were not standing still. In numbers I grew older, emotionally I stayed in Zimbabwe. My parents are late now. I remember that I had to go home for a funeral in 1999, and from then on my mom started getting sick too. So from 99 to 2002 my life and travelling to Zimbabwe was not pleasant at all.
Seeing the behaviour, the suffering of the new young man today, the idea of no balance, no good job and at the same time seeing one man being tremendously rich in coins and not in mind at the same time a man who is very spiritual but fighting against the new lifestyle that kills nature. These 2 men mentioned above are the men I have come across in the past 2 years. I remember some approaching me as
- Mambokadzi, meaning Queen
Some ABUSE the above to keep me closer as a form of control. But not all and thank God, people are not bad at all, if you keep seeing good in people.
Even though I am not very much attached to titles because I see good in everyone and I know there are a lot of people who deserve the names above but do not hear this.
I am truly happy though that I haven’t received any vulgar word that represents my being, and my behaviour. Which brought me to a certain conclusion. What are we supposed to learn from each other. Our behaviour towards others determines how they treat us it the end.
I am not as yet coming up with any solution to all above mentioned but eventually we will. I know that you read through the lines about Westernized this and that especially Entrepreneurship. One thing we cannot run away from is that some of these things “zvakabaya zvikatyokera” yakatodeuka.
But we have new youth growing and we do not want to inject them with our bad experiences and behaviour as a result of those bad experiences.
A lot of you met me here on Social media and respect the fact that I truly love our African culture. I have been missing home for 24 years and my behaviour with all the Western knowledge I still want that Africa, considered poor. I don’t see any poor Africa, I don’t see a poor African man but a brainwashed and damaged one who can heal when he realised how much a true African woman adores him.
Not all. I am with a lot of men around me whom I am discussing future with. But somehow we get stuck because they are not enough to build a larger group of youth.
Due to the most experiences mentioned above, people have become individualistic and are no longer loyal to each other.
A Zimbabwean man of today who is cultured is no longer as cultured as a man used to be. Money happened. I have met the real cultures Gwenyambiras and some who are meant to be Mhondoro struggling to convince a Westernized man.
What does a Westernized do different from a cultured man?
*He approaches a lady or a girl online differently example is
He already ask her to send nude pictures of herself to see whether she is real enough to start a relationship with.
Yet patience used to be the way to show how much you love someone. Now because real women aren’t easy to find, men feel obliged to stay alone because they are scared of the system
Whilst a cultured man would ask for a totem and will wòrk around what he respects about you.
Another man will feel insecure such that he doesn’t know how to approach a woman anymore. This due to this upcoming feminism where men are constantly being exposed badly, or being put down because of what another bad man has done.
We will continue talking about how money and capitalism has affected or is emasculating our African men.
Text and book: My Interracial marriage
Author : Melissa Budding
I wrote earlier this year about Dutch men and some European men.