Freedom from Mental and Emotional Slavery

I just realised that these were the years when I was doing most things as a European. I cannot blame myself. Mwana washe muranda kumwe and for us to know what doesnt suit us, we have to build experience. I look happy, not 100 percent and I remember those extensions troubled me most. It was then a secret I only shared with myself and my husband as he was the one who helped me remove them, because whenever I went to the hairsalon to cover up my beautiful Afro, I would come home and my European husband would give me compliments.

I guess then those compliments added up into our relationship because the media. system, people and fashion industry used to encourage only long hair as the most beautiful, let alone thin women who looked straight without round bums.

I have then seen myself as a biggirl, who only wanted bigger sizes clothes especially to cover up my butt and breasts as there were no good size BH’s and underwears.

Can you imagine, a man that you are married to being the one determining your smile by saying a few things that can change your confidence? I wonder how many girls and women who suffered from Aneroxia and Bollimia because they wanted to please their husbands and the society.

I remember visiting my inlaws and their first compliment would be wow, you have lost weight. By then I would be wearing those tight synthetic underwears that brought my belly inside, at that moment I had just given birth through a ceasarean. I felt the pain of the tightness those underwears coursed on my belly. But everyone who didnt feel the pain was happy to see a thin European like woman married to their son or brother. Wearing long straight hair like them.

Since a few years, I have been free from these fake hair extensions. I feel very comfortable in my own hair even though I realize it grows slower because of the Westernized lifestyle.

  • Food
  • atmosphere
  • stress
  • hormones

I stood up for myself and forced myself to challenge my husband whether he is brainwashed to only accept women wearing long straight hair, because there was a time when I did Afro extensions and he didnt like it at all. I gave him a choice. To either go after a Dutch woman with natural straight hair and less round butt. It was a struggle. I was ready to move out for my comfort. I gave him choices as he met me with a life already. when we met I was a Ducth woman already by right and a Zimbabwean by right.

Conclusion.

Starting to love yourself is not buying yourself things and have a lot of money. Starting to love ourselves is a pprocess. You cannot just write a paragraph and copy hashtag Selflove before truly practicing it. The process of loving yourself start by:

*Self confrontation

  • Self Criticism
  • Building Self confidence and more
  • Freeing yourself from mental slavery

I started to smile from inside and nowadays even if I do not show my teeth you can see or feel the piece inside me.

Enough people come on my profile to ask me, how come I can do what I do and my husband is content or seem ok with that.
Its not an easy task. Its a whole process to start practicing self love whilst maintaining your dignity.

Solution

I am offering a free seminar via Zoom.

All you need to install on your gadget is Zoom App. contact me and provide your email addres or phone number.
We gather as a group of people from your own home or place where you are. We make this appointment and start this seminar. I realise My facebook videos and audios do not reach the right people who are truly in need of this help.

My Interracial relations

Why I am not happy in the Diaspora

The danger of raising children in The Diaspora, when you grew up in your country of origin.

I left Zimbabwe when I was 22 years old and I have been living in The Netherlands for he pas 21 years. I now have a family and going back is not planned within a day! Let alone the ticket prices for 5 people. I do realize a lot has changed, but never underestimate what a child has been exposed to. Its powerful.

Written in November 10, 2015

As a child in the village we could really play and discover a lot without anyone giving us a label. We had a lot of space to play and possibilities to discover, build and finish everything ourselves without anyone commanding. I never played alone. People here ask us as a family why we did not opt ​​for home education. Well then I would prefer to take my children to an African village to practice in real life

Surely, I am a doubter. I do not like developmental organizations, I am a vaccination-doubter, an education system-doubter. If I had stayed in Africa, I might have died of unavoidable illnesses, but maybe not. I did stay close to my roots, close to my parents. We have learned a lot. We lived natural building our own immune system

Working in the fields, knowing all kinds of vegetables, natural medicines, species of trees, is not something an African child learn from a researched point of view, but from a day to day living and experiencing from the elderly people.

We always kept our attention to the seasons,light from the moon. Therefore we knew when to to organize ceremonies and parties in the evenings and these are mostly organized at full moon. Then you hear drums and singing in the neighborhoods. Exchanging seeds and livestock. Nobody is poor when everyone and families are help one another without questioning so no room for individualism.

And also the cattle: milking cows, goats and sheep. That was biology lesson and that was agriculture / agriculture. Without chemical additives. My parents built huts and houses of self-baked stones without asbestos or other carcinogenic additives.

Now I live in a world where I am only raising children with my husband. Sometimes very sad. What is education without your roots? To whom can you ask questions about the first teeth, or whatever.

 


Now I have find out: whether my child might also have a chance to make a vegetable garden somewhere. There is no space or else you have to buy a piece of land which you can only use for a certain period of the years because the rest of the is filled by winter.

While we made our own balls to plays from bicycle tires and recycled fabric and other organic materials in Africa. In Europe we have to join a football club and pay a fee because football an other sport activities are no longer provided in schools.

Playfully learning is doing things in practice and not being tested and labelled!

 

In Zimbabwe we lived with a father and a mother and we had family around us. Because of the school systems we had to go all the way to the city where I saw my mother very little. My father worked in the city and my mother lived in village. I now realize how often I have missed my mother. But those moments we were together were fruit full, because my mom was practicing what she taught us.

A lot of documentaries and researches bring us back to the bonding moments of an African parent and her children

One day I had to go to the Netherlands with my brother to continue my studies. With the goal that I would go back to my parents, unfortunately life is never in our hands. My parents passed away because of the circumstances in my homeland. this added up to my loneliness and I was further from my own roots.
Now married and I had really hoped that I would have close family outside my dear family, unfortunately the answer is no.

Please see more blogs and thank you for reading and hopefully your response ❤

One of my biggest cultural shocks in the world is now solved.

I have been living in the Netherlands for the past 20 years. I had lots of cultural shocks in positive and negative ways. I have learnt to laugh about very simple things like my own identity just because I never wanted people to see me as a bad person.
Which also means accepting something that is a bit disrespectful to my own culture. But as I remember most people were always curious about how I have lived in Africa.

What changed me were my children? I had my first child in 2008, Instead of having to explain my culture again and again, I started practicing it.
I realized I had a lot to explain to my children. Most difficult was that there were not so may things that represented me as an African princess, African Doll and even in the windows where people did the window shopping.
I felt really bad about it and realized it wasn’t something I could change very easily than embracing who I was.
In Zimbabwe where I grew up, we lived mostly according what we imitated from colonialism.
So when we thought of buying a doll, it was always a white doll,  shops were full of them. I also think there were people of African origin who may have wanted to see something or someone who represented them as nice, black people who did not only fought wars and went through slavery.
I am really happy that I started carrying my baby’s and breastfed them as I remembered from the village in Zimbabwe.
In the cities especially Harare where I went to school, my parents explained to me a lot about different classes. You would be considered rich when you lived in a low density suburbs and poor when you were living in a high density suburb.

So many people would embrace the rich culture more. For example, when you see a black person buying a very big car for a better status or trying to lighten skin color to be able to look more prettier because this was perceived as beauty.

Oh mom I want to look pretty, and white skin was the only skin presented as pretty.

I have realized that if we cannot teach our children our African history, no-one else will. So it starts with self acceptance, self reflection.

To buy a toy or an educational toy has been one of the biggest cultural shock I ever had until I met Rejoice Bhila Kwaramba, the creator and owner at The dolls that represent diversity.

Please hear more of her story. She promotes self love and together we promote self reflection. she is lovely with her lovely family. I have already bought 2 dolls for my little girls and they love them. Teaching African history is much easier to understand when history is presented positively.

Representing my self, my origins, my well being has become a big lesson such that I begin to realize  how important it is for schools to learn the positive things about my origins.

We need more embracing, more people helping us doing this.  I will share some of my shocks:

-On television there were not so may people represented as African origin without that they were called poor.

-Every child I know from school is taught to help poor African children. I do agree  that there are countries that went through a lot, such that they need help, but not at all the time

If there was a commercial on television and there was an African origin family, it always looked like they were not organised. Those few things disturbed me.

So now that we can buy a black doll just like a barbie it means we have a good start of self acceptance without having to explain.

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