THE JOURNEY TO FREEDOM

It is important that noone ask you to

When you were once indoctrinated and you are awoke. How you feel SORRY for the indoctrinated being used and they think they are at a better position. I had a nice conversation with my friend yesterday about those people who are moving behind with 10 years before they start knowing how the Western people truly operate. How Caucasians look at you as an African or Asian, even someone from Middle East.
I have always been active in our Dutch society I am living in for 26 years even before I had children. I would come into newspapers because I always had something to say because of the “Love” I have for my people globally. I have worked for huge companies of the Netherlands such as Unilever and Smit International, Maersk and other huge shipping companies. Even small companies. Never have I worked as a civil servant even if I had the biggest chances to be one because of their good working hours, long holidays and allowances. I told myself, I can only be a Civil servant when I am old and need to settle down without having to think too much or be creative. I have never applied for any form of benefit. When I want to be a little bit more dependent I thought.Until I discovered that as long as you are still spiritually attached to Africa you will somehow struggle to be where you truly want to be in Europe unless you sign a contract with an organisation that will instruct you what to do.
Let me go back to my point. When I wanted to start a Non Profit Organisation. I got a lot of empowerment from the bank, and other organisations who were willing to promote my Organisation, when they saw that I was very much of an African origin with a patriotic mind yet very open-minded such that I managed to learn Dutch language and Culture in a very short period of time. They connected me with organisations that were already working together with Africa. I didn’t feel comfortable because of how these organisations operate. Before any organisation starts to EMPOWER you as an African Entrepeneur. Ask yourself what they want in the end, what is their benefit. If you are a true African and you recognize the struggle your people have been through and are still going through. You cannot put EGO and popularism upfront before asking yourself whether its a new form of Colonisation. You cannot keep selling your heritage for a personal gain through the back door. Yet some are struggling to maintain this for the nature for the future generation. Think about these people who are moving 10 years behind in knowing who these people truly are.We have been there and have been protected from doing stupid stuff for money, yet maintaining poverty within your family and people. I used to be the only African whom they would call, ” at least you are different” you are very clever. You can speak good Dutch. I found that annoying. There are certain things that you cannot expect me to do.

It is important that no-one ask you to

🔴 Tell a directed story about my African roots to suit certain circumstances yet I know what’s truly going on.

🔴 Work for a developmental program to EMPOWER my roots yet at the same time not truly informing me what’s your benefit looks like.

🔴 I cannot let you write my story without my consent not my awareness of the

🔴 Tell a directed story about my African roots to suit certain circumstances yet I know what’s truly going on.

🔴 Work for a developmental program to EMPOWER my roots yet at the same time not truly informing me what’s your benefit looks like.

🔴 I cannot let you write my story without my consent not my awareness of the consequences.

These are the days when women in business organised meetings and empowerment networking high tea's. Mostly financed by the council.

One of my biggest cultural shocks in the world is now solved.

I have been living in the Netherlands for the past 20 years. I had lots of cultural shocks in positive and negative ways. I have learnt to laugh about very simple things like my own identity just because I never wanted people to see me as a bad person.
Which also means accepting something that is a bit disrespectful to my own culture. But as I remember most people were always curious about how I have lived in Africa.

What changed me were my children? I had my first child in 2008, Instead of having to explain my culture again and again, I started practicing it.
I realized I had a lot to explain to my children. Most difficult was that there were not so may things that represented me as an African princess, African Doll and even in the windows where people did the window shopping.
I felt really bad about it and realized it wasn’t something I could change very easily than embracing who I was.
In Zimbabwe where I grew up, we lived mostly according what we imitated from colonialism.
So when we thought of buying a doll, it was always a white doll,  shops were full of them. I also think there were people of African origin who may have wanted to see something or someone who represented them as nice, black people who did not only fought wars and went through slavery.
I am really happy that I started carrying my baby’s and breastfed them as I remembered from the village in Zimbabwe.
In the cities especially Harare where I went to school, my parents explained to me a lot about different classes. You would be considered rich when you lived in a low density suburbs and poor when you were living in a high density suburb.

So many people would embrace the rich culture more. For example, when you see a black person buying a very big car for a better status or trying to lighten skin color to be able to look more prettier because this was perceived as beauty.

Oh mom I want to look pretty, and white skin was the only skin presented as pretty.

I have realized that if we cannot teach our children our African history, no-one else will. So it starts with self acceptance, self reflection.

To buy a toy or an educational toy has been one of the biggest cultural shock I ever had until I met Rejoice Bhila Kwaramba, the creator and owner at The dolls that represent diversity.

Please hear more of her story. She promotes self love and together we promote self reflection. she is lovely with her lovely family. I have already bought 2 dolls for my little girls and they love them. Teaching African history is much easier to understand when history is presented positively.

Representing my self, my origins, my well being has become a big lesson such that I begin to realize  how important it is for schools to learn the positive things about my origins.

We need more embracing, more people helping us doing this.  I will share some of my shocks:

-On television there were not so may people represented as African origin without that they were called poor.

-Every child I know from school is taught to help poor African children. I do agree  that there are countries that went through a lot, such that they need help, but not at all the time

If there was a commercial on television and there was an African origin family, it always looked like they were not organised. Those few things disturbed me.

So now that we can buy a black doll just like a barbie it means we have a good start of self acceptance without having to explain.

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Elkaar helpen in de wijk

In Zimbabwe waar ik opgroeide zijn ouders ontzettend aanwezig tijdens de opvoeding (en zelfs zwangerschap), met steun van familie en tantes. Ze dragen de kindjes veel en ze  verplichten elkaar om borstvoeding te geven. Ze helpen in de opvoeding en corrigeren elkaar waar nodig ( It takes a village to raise kids). Doordat ze dichtbij de natuur staan voelt dit als heel normaal. De hele maatschappij helpt elkaar en elkaars kinderen, waardoor de kinderen niet zo gauw lastig worden.
Helikopter gedrag
Wat mij wel opvalt nu mijn kinderen ook naar school gaan. Dat er ouders zijn die overal aanwezig willen zijn om controle te hebben op hoe en waar de kinderen mee bezig zijn.
Ouders die moeite hebben met het loslaten geloof ik. Ik kan me best voorstellen dat als je ergens een schuldgevoelen over hebt, je compensatie zoekt.
Op dat moment is het wel van belang om het even in jezelf te zoeken. Wat speelt er bij mij. Sommige ouders kunnen er niet 100 % er zijn, welke leeftijd het ook is. Omdat de situatie, omstandigheden en gezondheid ze niet toelaten.
In plaats dat andere ouders die wel de mogelijkheid hebben om er te zijn voor hun kinderen neerkijken op deze ouders, die even niet kunnen zijn, zou het fijn zijn als ze dan wel even bijspringen.
Daarmee verminderen we dan het vingerwijzen gedrag en wel elkaar helpen.
Heel anders dan Afrikaanse kinderen, zie je hier best veel kindjes die eigenlijk al zelfstandig horen te zijn, maar nog zeer afhankelijk zijn. De ouders nemen alles in de handen. De mama is zeer aanwezig op school, alles controleren en regelen, terwijl een meisje van 9 jaar best al veel kan. #Loslaten misschien?
Ik als Afrikaanse moeder, leer enorm veel van ouders die op zo’n Nederlandse manier dingen ondernemen met kinderen, tot een bepaalde hoogte. En dat is bij mij leren loslaten en kinderen vertrouwen en ze het gevoel geven dat ze ook mensen zijn.
Hoe dan ook situaties verschillen en niet alles hoeft precies op een manier te gaan.
Ik geloof ook niet dat de hele dag op een schoolplein hangen, gelijk is aan liefdevol zijn voor je kinderen.
Wij doen het allemaal op onze eigen manier en leren van elkaar.
Dat steeds meer kinderen slecht eten, naar niets of niemand luisteren, of psychisch in de knoop zitten: sociaal pedagoog Gitty Feddema is er zeer ongerust over. Ouders moeten zich weer over hun kinderen ontfermen, en snel!
AD.NL|BY EEFJE OOMEN