Freedom from Mental and Emotional Slavery

I just realised that these were the years when I was doing most things as a European. I cannot blame myself. Mwana washe muranda kumwe and for us to know what doesnt suit us, we have to build experience. I look happy, not 100 percent and I remember those extensions troubled me most. It was then a secret I only shared with myself and my husband as he was the one who helped me remove them, because whenever I went to the hairsalon to cover up my beautiful Afro, I would come home and my European husband would give me compliments.

I guess then those compliments added up into our relationship because the media. system, people and fashion industry used to encourage only long hair as the most beautiful, let alone thin women who looked straight without round bums.

I have then seen myself as a biggirl, who only wanted bigger sizes clothes especially to cover up my butt and breasts as there were no good size BH’s and underwears.

Can you imagine, a man that you are married to being the one determining your smile by saying a few things that can change your confidence? I wonder how many girls and women who suffered from Aneroxia and Bollimia because they wanted to please their husbands and the society.

I remember visiting my inlaws and their first compliment would be wow, you have lost weight. By then I would be wearing those tight synthetic underwears that brought my belly inside, at that moment I had just given birth through a ceasarean. I felt the pain of the tightness those underwears coursed on my belly. But everyone who didnt feel the pain was happy to see a thin European like woman married to their son or brother. Wearing long straight hair like them.

Since a few years, I have been free from these fake hair extensions. I feel very comfortable in my own hair even though I realize it grows slower because of the Westernized lifestyle.

  • Food
  • atmosphere
  • stress
  • hormones

I stood up for myself and forced myself to challenge my husband whether he is brainwashed to only accept women wearing long straight hair, because there was a time when I did Afro extensions and he didnt like it at all. I gave him a choice. To either go after a Dutch woman with natural straight hair and less round butt. It was a struggle. I was ready to move out for my comfort. I gave him choices as he met me with a life already. when we met I was a Ducth woman already by right and a Zimbabwean by right.

Conclusion.

Starting to love yourself is not buying yourself things and have a lot of money. Starting to love ourselves is a pprocess. You cannot just write a paragraph and copy hashtag Selflove before truly practicing it. The process of loving yourself start by:

*Self confrontation

  • Self Criticism
  • Building Self confidence and more
  • Freeing yourself from mental slavery

I started to smile from inside and nowadays even if I do not show my teeth you can see or feel the piece inside me.

Enough people come on my profile to ask me, how come I can do what I do and my husband is content or seem ok with that.
Its not an easy task. Its a whole process to start practicing self love whilst maintaining your dignity.

Solution

I am offering a free seminar via Zoom.

All you need to install on your gadget is Zoom App. contact me and provide your email addres or phone number.
We gather as a group of people from your own home or place where you are. We make this appointment and start this seminar. I realise My facebook videos and audios do not reach the right people who are truly in need of this help.

My Interracial relations

Connected by the great shared taste!

The new menu provides the possibility of sharing. Just like what we would do in African  countries, eating from one plate. You will find out that that’s where great stories start. Great relationships and ideas. No more individualism. With the new Restaurant Tijsterman menu humans are connected without them planning or noticing. The quality of their food connects. Their great communication skills connects.

We came to stay in our village about 2 years ago, one thing that we always looked for, were places that we can find peace when we are tired, or find good ambiance and tasty food and drinks. Because of searching we end up connecting with the people behind the scenes.  Who then tell us the story behind. This is what fascinates me and my husband.

I remember us drinking some coffee at one of this family’s restaurant and we were immediately satisfied, not because we knew the whole menu yet. But there was a connection, Interest from both ways and that was one of the reason we came back and decide to buy our own house. The personnel is well trained such that even if they do not know, or cannot provide they will always find a way to help you out.

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In two years time we visited these family’s restaurants and cafes where we could drink selected beers and wines. This was even the best solution close to our house.

We were very honored when they surprised us by an invitation to try the  New menu Restaurant-Tijsterman so we could provide review information. We enjoyed the tastes! we enjoyed the service and ambiance. Just like our second home. Me and my husband have always shared our diner just because we wanted to taste from each other’s plate.

What I like about their selection, is an eye on the seasons and human nature. That already shows how much respect they do have to human’s health and well being.

Below you can watch a video when my children were enjoying Mussels during the season when they are available.

My children enjoying Mussels

People who know me, know that I always talk about good food, not only health but tasty and high quality. Moving from Zimbabwe to Netherlands was not easy especially when it came to food. I was shocked about the amount of groceries people did. I was shocked about the choices I had for one type of product. How much I could find in supermarkets, too much.

Unfortunately to discover that  I had to be careful what was real and not. Most people I knew were mostly saving money on food, like they would buy the cheapest type of food in the supermarket. That never tasted the way I had known when I was young.

The most confusing part was that I would then think like I read everywhere and saw on TV that Africans were poor. I ended up not looking for the type of food I grew up eating. Food like pumpkins, and most of it what they call super – foods. The first time I visited an organic shop and a fair trade shop, I then started re appreciating my original African food.

Now that i live in a small village where the real farmers live and sell their products directly, I do feel the connection.

Even though we also adopted old British kitchen, the traditional kitchen in Zimbabwe still was the best for me as it was pure. I remember whenever I visited England or Scotland that I would pass by a traditional shop to buy typical British Cornish pastry, scones or tea. Because of travelling, I tended to like the Borough market more, even the handmade traditional food, that you can no longer find in bigger supermarkets.

Food processing killed my appetite and that made me even travel more. I visited different restaurants and ignored the fact that some have a 2 or 3 stars. I wanted to know more about who is behind the kitchen, what are their beliefs, how do they feel about what I tasted so far. I was looking for connection.
My parents definitely taught me how to taste and appreciate not just to eat because people are hungry. My father used this word culinary a lot and now I do understand what it means. I remembered my mom making lots of traditional Zimbabwean food 

So the way the Tijsterman family and their restaurant do really brings me back to my old traditional taste, organic and connection. I realized that that’s the place I like to be with my family for almost everything they do provide.

See the pictures:

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Elkaar helpen in de wijk

In Zimbabwe waar ik opgroeide zijn ouders ontzettend aanwezig tijdens de opvoeding (en zelfs zwangerschap), met steun van familie en tantes. Ze dragen de kindjes veel en ze  verplichten elkaar om borstvoeding te geven. Ze helpen in de opvoeding en corrigeren elkaar waar nodig ( It takes a village to raise kids). Doordat ze dichtbij de natuur staan voelt dit als heel normaal. De hele maatschappij helpt elkaar en elkaars kinderen, waardoor de kinderen niet zo gauw lastig worden.
Helikopter gedrag
Wat mij wel opvalt nu mijn kinderen ook naar school gaan. Dat er ouders zijn die overal aanwezig willen zijn om controle te hebben op hoe en waar de kinderen mee bezig zijn.
Ouders die moeite hebben met het loslaten geloof ik. Ik kan me best voorstellen dat als je ergens een schuldgevoelen over hebt, je compensatie zoekt.
Op dat moment is het wel van belang om het even in jezelf te zoeken. Wat speelt er bij mij. Sommige ouders kunnen er niet 100 % er zijn, welke leeftijd het ook is. Omdat de situatie, omstandigheden en gezondheid ze niet toelaten.
In plaats dat andere ouders die wel de mogelijkheid hebben om er te zijn voor hun kinderen neerkijken op deze ouders, die even niet kunnen zijn, zou het fijn zijn als ze dan wel even bijspringen.
Daarmee verminderen we dan het vingerwijzen gedrag en wel elkaar helpen.
Heel anders dan Afrikaanse kinderen, zie je hier best veel kindjes die eigenlijk al zelfstandig horen te zijn, maar nog zeer afhankelijk zijn. De ouders nemen alles in de handen. De mama is zeer aanwezig op school, alles controleren en regelen, terwijl een meisje van 9 jaar best al veel kan. #Loslaten misschien?
Ik als Afrikaanse moeder, leer enorm veel van ouders die op zo’n Nederlandse manier dingen ondernemen met kinderen, tot een bepaalde hoogte. En dat is bij mij leren loslaten en kinderen vertrouwen en ze het gevoel geven dat ze ook mensen zijn.
Hoe dan ook situaties verschillen en niet alles hoeft precies op een manier te gaan.
Ik geloof ook niet dat de hele dag op een schoolplein hangen, gelijk is aan liefdevol zijn voor je kinderen.
Wij doen het allemaal op onze eigen manier en leren van elkaar.
Dat steeds meer kinderen slecht eten, naar niets of niemand luisteren, of psychisch in de knoop zitten: sociaal pedagoog Gitty Feddema is er zeer ongerust over. Ouders moeten zich weer over hun kinderen ontfermen, en snel!
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