HUMANS PRACTICING EMPATHY
When self belief-self sufficient-self reflection -self love-self acceptance-openminded ness exist in your life. Then you will not need to rely on someone to make you happy, to make your machine start moving.
Many people have gone through suffering, therefore trauma. If selfacceptance took place they could have managed to help themselves through recognition of the real problems in their lives.
Unfortunately people run into a victim blanket due to failure of self recognition.
The more you wait for someone to solve all your problems the lazy you become. Its then easier for you to start blaming, shaming, pointing fingers.
When you practice empathy you will find out that there is more into life than waiting for someone to make a mistake so you can run into a victim blanket.
#believeinyourtrueself #selflove #sel— in Nieuwkoop.
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Self slavery
I do not want to lie to you. Confidence is not for sale. You can learn to be confident and not to be overconfident.
I have realized that it may take longer for an African girl, woman, mother and all other women to realize how beautiful they are already.
How much does it take for a woman to lose confidence?
A demanding society? a demanding parent when you are teenager?
Sense of inferiority caused by either slavery or colonization therefore having problems in self acceptance. Women failing to compliment one another and rather compete? That’s a sense of inferioruty
Do not forget slavery still exist, and modern colonization too. Let alone self enslavement.
- being privileged, when you have been told by your society and parents that its only you who counts and you are the best, therefore suffer from incompetence and scared to lose. Being privileged can be dangerous especially if you are not aware. there are always better people out there.
- a man’s society who are brainwashed that all women should be at a certain size for them to be considered as beautiful, and that they have to be have long hair to reach an accepted standard (sexy and content)
- Insecure women without good sex at home therefore focus on their looks and nationalize that, yet we are not all the same.
- Fashion industry, which we as a society could influence very easily instead of them influencing us, what do they know?
Be you, be yourself, love your looks, do not imitate unless it suits you, get to know your body better and there buy clothes accordingly. Never rely on a compliment from others for you to continue.
BALANCED WOMEN CONNECTION FOR OUR WORLD
8 March 2018
I was already working since this morning to write this short blog because I didn’t want this day to go by unnoticed.
A lot goes through my head when I think especially of a woman who brought me here in this world. Unforgettable! Indispensable, yet she is gone. She lives in me and my children. This woman I recall almost every day. This woman in her when women had few rights fought for her daughters who they are now.
Anyway, I do not just naturally talk about my self.
All the women I have met so far are ladies who are all trying to make something good out of life in their own way.
these women are:
- moms
- ladies
- pregnant women
- girls
- singlemoms
- grandmothers
- aunties
- sisters
- in-laws
Among all these women, there are many who are trying to conceive, many who have already given birth and trying to find balance between work and family. Among all those ladies also enough who cannot have children for various reasons. But they are still women with the same values.
Some women are fighting right now to have a little brother or little sister for their first child although this may sound luxury to those without. Every problem and situation is different is deserve to be taken seriously.
I can name everything but I’m not better than I wangle sometimes. I am learning learning a lot! I am not close to perfect,
I am blessed to be able to know all these women. I thought I was poor because my mom is late. But no the grass it is not greener on the other. I thought I was sad that I had three cesareans, but it appears that could give a friend or acquaintance not breast through breast surgery.
Life is complicated and we women make it all not easy for ourselves and definitely not for others.
There are things that we can let go of difficult and that varies from woman. In recent years, I learn just strong, passionate women know. I learn that not everyone necessarily have to walk in your street, if you but what together grants and respects you will see that it works for you.
Continue to encourage each other! Give each other a lot, correct each other when things go wrong, not to gossip behind. Help each other to improve relations with our husbands and children and not destroy. Unfortunately, this also happens.
My concern this year and the coming years when we actually behave differently, eat or feel because we want to lose weight. Because someone has ever given a dress size as ideal. Beware, however, I came to that his is not necessarily healthy slim. everything has her own extreme edges and everything is too much is not good.
Hopefully we manage to find balance and happiness.
Point. Love you all!
Thanks to women who participate and have participated in the Baby Workout Carry this year’s Negenmaandenbeurs! What were you good! I am very grateful to you I should know. Your children have met and that you entrusted me to share these moments with you vulnerable. THAT’S FINE SAY to be allowed twice a week with people you can easily talk about feminine discomforts and cons and thereby improve a lovely family home life.
Happy International Women’s Day.
Just showing my appreciation to all women have with so far, women I have Learned a lot from and women who guide me in Difficult moments and years! Not forgetting to mention my own mom who made it happen, a woman Whom we can not live without but no longer there.
How Dutch men approach an African woman
#Metoo When I came to Holland I was too young to know that cultures and behaviour between countries could be so different.
As a child I have never learnt anything else than embrace people you meet and treat them with respect.
I am that kind of a person who leaves the house when I am bored. I go and sit somewhere, order a drink and start a chat with people. I have always laughed with everyone. I didn’t know that Dutch people were pretty much reserved. I remember that guys spoke at most when they were drunk. Like during Kingsday and when the national team has won.
I used to visit an Irish pub in Vlaardingen and sometimes Breakaway in Rotterdam. I was mostly the first to start a conversation because I am pretty much interested in a lot of things.
This helped me to learn the language.
As a girl I knew what my mom always told me. No sex when there is no love. So I kept that in my mind at all the time.
I felt very free to talk to whomever I wanted but at the same time I could feel some lack of respect. I have no idea what made a few men think that when you are a black lady you must accept every offer you get even just to dance in a very sexual way. I could feel that these guys assumed I should accept. Probably because by then I was single. So people tend to think you are desperate. Those times in the 90s I was not a slim girl either. I still had a thick bone but not overweight. Those times if you were not as skinny as the models on catwalk then you weren’t really seen as sexy.
So each time especially when guys had a few drinks they would start talking to me freely and start dancing around me without asking for permission.. ofcourse you can guess how furious I did react.
I felt disrespected. At that moment I was too shy to really ask why they did behaved like that.
I remember words like #Dushi #fawaka (and I didn’t know what they meant by then) , which already shows that men assumed every black person who speaks good Dutch must be Surinamese. For me that wasn’t the real issue even though I would prefer to be recognised as me.
Later in the years, married, 3 children. I went with my husband to a local cafe/bar to drink something. By then we had already moved to the village. So you know villages are small. People know the new people already.
We stepped in and ordered some drinks.
There were a few guys standing there talking. They did ask my husband if we were together and my husband said yes. A weeķ later I went on my own because we could not find a babysitter.
That’s when I again experiences the same as before. Even the barman is my witness. The guys came and tried to speak in a Suriname or Antilliaanse language. I heard “hee Dushi”
And started touching my shoulder rubbing my back. As far as I know Dutch man, they do not usually approach you that way if they do have respect for you or when they fall in love with you.
I shouted at him to stop. He was shocked because I really think he did not expect this reaction.
I did ask him one question if he would do the same to a middle class Dutch lady. Apparently there was one standing on the other side of the bar. I asked him to go and do the same to that lady. He definately didn’t and he said no. At that he apologised and he felt ashamed of himself.
He actually thought black girls were easy going and would not say not to a white guy. And he did apologise and that was the first moment we started to have normal conversation at a certain level.
What if I was desperate, or insecure or maybe looking for love that badly such that I could not see the mean ideas behind??
I am really grateful that I have always had people around me who were supportive. What if I was illegal and I needed a greencard? What if I had debts, and I needed someone to help me? What I was desperate for a job and I needed someone to help me out.
Sometimes desperate situations put people in situations where they will be misused.
#knowyourworth #selflove #selfreflection. So yes #Metoo.
Tips to young girls:
Whenever you feel like the world is not embracing you the way you deserve, do not accept fake love! People should learn to respect and that can only happen when you respect yourself. I do understand and I learn everyday that they are a lot of girls even men these days who are in a position where they do not want to be because of personal, financial situations. Those people I wrote this for, to help the worls to learn respect one another
tips to African black sisters,
Whenever you show your worth, in whatever situation you are, you push away disrespectful people.
By imitating you are are actually telling someone my original me isn’t worth embracing.
LIVING TOGETHER IS FUN IF ITS MUTUAL
I came to the Netherlands in early 1996 and did not even know that in Europe many other groups lived people. I was long in the Netherlands for three weeks and we stayed inside because too much snow outside. We had never experienced snow. My brother had applied after his studies in Zimbabwe and adopted by an international organization in The Hague. We arrived as expatriates.
One day we went to the other side of The Hague, where the market was, on the advice of my brother’s colleague. That was in the Schilderswijk. We lived in Statenkwartier, behind Frederick Henry Avenue there at the Museon. Quite an expensive neighborhood of The Hague.
It was not convenient to go by car to Hobbemastraat on Saturday because it could be very busy.
We took the tram, tram 11 and when we approached the market I saw heaps of other people, as I had learned in school, I knew something about Asians, Africans and people from the Middle East, Jamaica, Venezuela and Cuba . Bob Marley has even been to my country.
The world has opened up, because I kept asking my brother and he took me books including The Undutchables.
Until today we do not learn how slavery has occurred in southern Africa in other countries. I celebrated Sinterklaas after I had met Jochem. He celebrated in Veenendaal and we went there on Christmas morning.
I thought it was nice how people were connected when they read the poems. I am in favor of joining. I like it when families take things together. So packets evening was fun to be with. But there are plenty of other ways
In 2007, before I had children, I played black non schminkte important person because I wanted to see how children would react. I did this because I just hesitated and as I remarked to colleagues and people around me who had different colors that they were not happy about it. I’ve seen reactions of the children. They have not seen me otherwise. I was shocked. The fact that we did not have slavery history in Zimbabwe, explains a lot of confusion on what is happening in the Netherlands. There will also find quite few Zimbabweans because the embassy in Brussels. The behavior of a Dutchman to me is different than the behavior of a French or English to me. Let alone the behavior of someone from Austria and Switzerland. Let’s get to know our history better, and look at our education then and now raising. Sometimes you can not linger in the past because it gives you a good feeling. I say, just keep making poems for each other. Connect to each other, within families and households. You’ll see that you do not need a party to come together. In Zimbabwe we celebrate everything. if only music, drums and dancers are. The point being:
I understand the feelings of people who have parents with a history of slavery. They would like to see a normal society comes with a black woman for instance may run her own business without having to prove themselves extra.
I met recently enormous Surinamese and Antilleans. But know heaps of Dutch people. Both sides have a story. I can not say I put a story on the side and the other story understandable. I prefer not to pigeonhole myself. I would really just like to see the world as one. So I want to raise my children. I do actually.
But I can speak for myself. I like compound # Bonding # family bonding # Human Bonding .
It hurts me when I see that in the country where I live tremendous hatred comes together because people are afraid of change. Look at yourself and see how many people are trying to share the love. What do you cherish it nicely together. What can be done better? Correct each other, support each other. Keep smiling it’s not the end of the world. I see nowadays, many people who go to Africa or other parts of the world and these people come back with a lot of respect for how other people live. You can not say you know better. Almost never.
Integration course only works if you’re the one who articulates so well that we autochthonous also mention here is there.
How did I learn languages can easily?
In 1998 I met my current husband and only then I got interested in the Dutch language and society. Otherwise I just have after graduating returned to Zimbabwe or to a country where they just English as the official language. Canada, New Zealand or England. We first spoke in English. 3 years later I could already speak fluent Dutch and write.
Surely learned how to make couscous and fried rice, oh yes and I can make pom. The seasons stews I know too now. This already indicates that the Netherlands is a multicultural country. Have you ever counted how many European people living in Africa? and that country.
What I did was that I never went himself looking fellows from my homeland. That was not necessary, though I still homesick. Language development would not be stimulated so. I wanted to learn something different, different language from the residents themselves. This brand me for years that, now I have mastered the language, I easily come into contact with many people.
I do not themselves organized holiday, I’d rather come among men. In Greece and other countries, people simply trust than what may be told here. A piece of independence so.
My husband said “honey, you know why I’m so crazy about you”? Today you speak a bum, let him laugh, mean person, and you let him laugh “Yesterday you just said the minister and in the same way and you made him laugh,” You’re a female world.
Secretly I was proud.
Because I know how good the language I’m not so easily threatened by my own fears. I understand what you mean happy. I even went to the “proverb book” buy and every time New Green booklet.
My first Dutch teacher I remember well. Mrs. Potts, what a lovely wife. Every year already dutifully join “The Great Dictation” sit in front of the TV and get involved with all those difficult words. Someday I want or participate in real life. I am now at a stage where I just asked the playground by other mothers get if I was adopted. Whether I was a baby when came to live here. Luckily I always say when I’m born and raised in Africa. On my 22nd until I came here.
Now the Dam and on to Groningen
I have a lot to travel through the Netherlands. Now I would like to drive over the Dam! that sounds like fun! Friesland and Drenthe I should know better. All other regions have been me, partly because I took every summer one of the NS “Summer Tour Card” and then could unrestricted travel by Netherlands. Really great. Now I have my license, such a thing .. not later born here so after your 30th birthday your license .. I tell you that in my next blog. I am grateful because I can now run my business a little better, transport children. All I can also bike, sometimes it is convenient. Now I travel a lot through my work, but I still want to use a TomTom, then I depend so again, and I do not know where I really signboard. I’m really not cocky though;).
- Yet it disappoints me when I see someone who was born and raised in the Netherlands judgment Me mother dares to write. Until now there was not tolerated when you write incorrect language or speak.
Nowadays, with Facebook and Twitter you can even easily write you always improve skills. Yet seek balance it remains important. Otherwise you go backwards again with the spoken language development, so then but more and more people really speak. What I really hope is more correction in spelling, if a girlfriend, husband or knowledge it will immediately be sure to write the correct word there. That will be very nice for me.
I give a tip to those who want to integrate like. Go with the inhabitants. Are you a religious person can visit a church. Are you a bar, snooker, theater, type? You name it, save the pennies and visit the sites. No money? no point, because there are enough volunteers that can best help to an association. Do you speak English? Ensure that residents will not speak English with you directly. Always ask to speak the language with you. Always ask for corrections, dare to speak the language and writing with errors. You’ll notice that you’re going to help in some way.
That one laughs at whether it bothers you always run into, it’s up to you to stand firm in your shoes, because it’s only for your own good.
PS. If I have made above grammatical mistakes, please respond with appropriate wording and also the correct words below. thanks in advance
Why I am not happy in the Diaspora
The danger of raising children in The Diaspora, when you grew up in your country of origin.
I left Zimbabwe when I was 22 years old and I have been living in The Netherlands for he pas 21 years. I now have a family and going back is not planned within a day! Let alone the ticket prices for 5 people. I do realize a lot has changed, but never underestimate what a child has been exposed to. Its powerful.
Written in November 10, 2015
As a child in the village we could really play and discover a lot without anyone giving us a label. We had a lot of space to play and possibilities to discover, build and finish everything ourselves without anyone commanding. I never played alone. People here ask us as a family why we did not opt for home education. Well then I would prefer to take my children to an African village to practice in real life
Surely, I am a doubter. I do not like developmental organizations, I am a vaccination-doubter, an education system-doubter. If I had stayed in Africa, I might have died of unavoidable illnesses, but maybe not. I did stay close to my roots, close to my parents. We have learned a lot. We lived natural building our own immune system
Working in the fields, knowing all kinds of vegetables, natural medicines, species of trees, is not something an African child learn from a researched point of view, but from a day to day living and experiencing from the elderly people.
We always kept our attention to the seasons,light from the moon. Therefore we knew when to to organize ceremonies and parties in the evenings and these are mostly organized at full moon. Then you hear drums and singing in the neighborhoods. Exchanging seeds and livestock. Nobody is poor when everyone and families are help one another without questioning so no room for individualism.
And also the cattle: milking cows, goats and sheep. That was biology lesson and that was agriculture / agriculture. Without chemical additives. My parents built huts and houses of self-baked stones without asbestos or other carcinogenic additives.
Now I live in a world where I am only raising children with my husband. Sometimes very sad. What is education without your roots? To whom can you ask questions about the first teeth, or whatever.
Now I have find out: whether my child might also have a chance to make a vegetable garden somewhere. There is no space or else you have to buy a piece of land which you can only use for a certain period of the years because the rest of the is filled by winter.
While we made our own balls to plays from bicycle tires and recycled fabric and other organic materials in Africa. In Europe we have to join a football club and pay a fee because football an other sport activities are no longer provided in schools.
Playfully learning is doing things in practice and not being tested and labelled!
In Zimbabwe we lived with a father and a mother and we had family around us. Because of the school systems we had to go all the way to the city where I saw my mother very little. My father worked in the city and my mother lived in village. I now realize how often I have missed my mother. But those moments we were together were fruit full, because my mom was practicing what she taught us.
A lot of documentaries and researches bring us back to the bonding moments of an African parent and her children
One day I had to go to the Netherlands with my brother to continue my studies. With the goal that I would go back to my parents, unfortunately life is never in our hands. My parents passed away because of the circumstances in my homeland. this added up to my loneliness and I was further from my own roots.
Now married and I had really hoped that I would have close family outside my dear family, unfortunately the answer is no.
Please see more blogs and thank you for reading and hopefully your response ❤
Connected by the great shared taste!
The new menu provides the possibility of sharing. Just like what we would do in African countries, eating from one plate. You will find out that that’s where great stories start. Great relationships and ideas. No more individualism. With the new Restaurant Tijsterman menu humans are connected without them planning or noticing. The quality of their food connects. Their great communication skills connects.
We came to stay in our village about 2 years ago, one thing that we always looked for, were places that we can find peace when we are tired, or find good ambiance and tasty food and drinks. Because of searching we end up connecting with the people behind the scenes. Who then tell us the story behind. This is what fascinates me and my husband.
I remember us drinking some coffee at one of this family’s restaurant and we were immediately satisfied, not because we knew the whole menu yet. But there was a connection, Interest from both ways and that was one of the reason we came back and decide to buy our own house. The personnel is well trained such that even if they do not know, or cannot provide they will always find a way to help you out.
In two years time we visited these family’s restaurants and cafes where we could drink selected beers and wines. This was even the best solution close to our house.
We were very honored when they surprised us by an invitation to try the New menu Restaurant-Tijsterman so we could provide review information. We enjoyed the tastes! we enjoyed the service and ambiance. Just like our second home. Me and my husband have always shared our diner just because we wanted to taste from each other’s plate.
What I like about their selection, is an eye on the seasons and human nature. That already shows how much respect they do have to human’s health and well being.
Below you can watch a video when my children were enjoying Mussels during the season when they are available.
People who know me, know that I always talk about good food, not only health but tasty and high quality. Moving from Zimbabwe to Netherlands was not easy especially when it came to food. I was shocked about the amount of groceries people did. I was shocked about the choices I had for one type of product. How much I could find in supermarkets, too much.
Unfortunately to discover that I had to be careful what was real and not. Most people I knew were mostly saving money on food, like they would buy the cheapest type of food in the supermarket. That never tasted the way I had known when I was young.
The most confusing part was that I would then think like I read everywhere and saw on TV that Africans were poor. I ended up not looking for the type of food I grew up eating. Food like pumpkins, and most of it what they call super – foods. The first time I visited an organic shop and a fair trade shop, I then started re appreciating my original African food.
Now that i live in a small village where the real farmers live and sell their products directly, I do feel the connection.
Even though we also adopted old British kitchen, the traditional kitchen in Zimbabwe still was the best for me as it was pure. I remember whenever I visited England or Scotland that I would pass by a traditional shop to buy typical British Cornish pastry, scones or tea. Because of travelling, I tended to like the Borough market more, even the handmade traditional food, that you can no longer find in bigger supermarkets.
Food processing killed my appetite and that made me even travel more. I visited different restaurants and ignored the fact that some have a 2 or 3 stars. I wanted to know more about who is behind the kitchen, what are their beliefs, how do they feel about what I tasted so far. I was looking for connection.
My parents definitely taught me how to taste and appreciate not just to eat because people are hungry. My father used this word culinary a lot and now I do understand what it means. I remembered my mom making lots of traditional Zimbabwean food
So the way the Tijsterman family and their restaurant do really brings me back to my old traditional taste, organic and connection. I realized that that’s the place I like to be with my family for almost everything they do provide.
See the pictures:
