I just realised that these were the years when I was doing most things as a European. I cannot blame myself. Mwana washe muranda kumwe and for us to know what doesnt suit us, we have to build experience. I look happy, not 100 percent and I remember those extensions troubled me most. It was then a secret I only shared with myself and my husband as he was the one who helped me remove them, because whenever I went to the hairsalon to cover up my beautiful Afro, I would come home and my European husband would give me compliments.
I guess then those compliments added up into our relationship because the media. system, people and fashion industry used to encourage only long hair as the most beautiful, let alone thin women who looked straight without round bums.
I have then seen myself as a biggirl, who only wanted bigger sizes clothes especially to cover up my butt and breasts as there were no good size BH’s and underwears.
Can you imagine, a man that you are married to being the one determining your smile by saying a few things that can change your confidence? I wonder how many girls and women who suffered from Aneroxia and Bollimia because they wanted to please their husbands and the society.
I remember visiting my inlaws and their first compliment would be wow, you have lost weight. By then I would be wearing those tight synthetic underwears that brought my belly inside, at that moment I had just given birth through a ceasarean. I felt the pain of the tightness those underwears coursed on my belly. But everyone who didnt feel the pain was happy to see a thin European like woman married to their son or brother. Wearing long straight hair like them.
Since a few years, I have been free from these fake hair extensions. I feel very comfortable in my own hair even though I realize it grows slower because of the Westernized lifestyle.
I stood up for myself and forced myself to challenge my husband whether he is brainwashed to only accept women wearing long straight hair, because there was a time when I did Afro extensions and he didnt like it at all. I gave him a choice. To either go after a Dutch woman with natural straight hair and less round butt. It was a struggle. I was ready to move out for my comfort. I gave him choices as he met me with a life already. when we met I was a Ducth woman already by right and a Zimbabwean by right.
Starting to love yourself is not buying yourself things and have a lot of money. Starting to love ourselves is a pprocess. You cannot just write a paragraph and copy hashtag Selflove before truly practicing it. The process of loving yourself start by:
- Self Criticism
- Building Self confidence and more
- Freeing yourself from mental slavery
I started to smile from inside and nowadays even if I do not show my teeth you can see or feel the piece inside me.
Enough people come on my profile to ask me, how come I can do what I do and my husband is content or seem ok with that.
Its not an easy task. Its a whole process to start practicing self love whilst maintaining your dignity.
I am offering a free seminar via Zoom.
All you need to install on your gadget is Zoom App. contact me and provide your email addres or phone number.
We gather as a group of people from your own home or place where you are. We make this appointment and start this seminar. I realise My facebook videos and audios do not reach the right people who are truly in need of this help.
My Interracial relations
People who easily show their love, who doesn’t keep it inside are the best parents. If you calculate the amount of love you give or distribute among st your children, then the chance is higher that you cannot fully or truly love. Be that person who say it out when you feel it. Especially to your children because they need to learn to love in the future.
Translation to this is, never be ashamed to show your feelings to anyone especially when those feelings are genuine.
Children need to know vulnerability not toughness, because no one likes tough people. Being vulnerable is even more difficult than being tough.
Being vulnerable is therefore stronger, because some people may end up mistaken vulnerable for weakness and abuse that. So be careful with those people who show true love, because they are not easy to break. I am not a quiet one, I am vulnerable and can be very shy, when you know me well. So far a few know me. And only one is allowed press those buttons. The deeper untouchable feelings, are indeed too holy to be touched by everyone. The vulnerability you show to public, during your work or to strangers that you may care about is totally different from when you show it to the buttons holder. Both behaviors are genuine but different. I always share genuineness but does not mean I have fallen
I cannot share this with everyone, neither do just anyone deserves this?
In the Humansbonded I have explained Vulnerability and weakness, why those two are different.