Bonding with your children at a deep level. That I’m a “primal mother” was already somewhat known — but my children have a primal father too. Truly. He doesn’t overstate it, because he does it with love, just like every other father, but with that little bit extra that he’s always willing to give. I appreciate that, and it adds more to our love.
My physiotherapist tells me I’m a primal mother, and she’d like me to let go of certain things a bit so I can recover properly. And yes, that’s possible — letting go is easier once you know your children are in good hands. That doesn’t mean everything has to be done my way, but I do find it hard to hear a baby cry when I know, deep down, it isn’t always necessary. There’s always a reason a baby cries. I usually jump straight out of my chair to see what’s going on.
My husband, thankfully, goes along with it when it comes to our little family — especially handy when it comes to parenting. He’s had his own opinions about babywearing before, but he’s been doing it with us for seven years now, and he likes it so much that he’s even convinced other people to try it.
Dealing with pelvic instability, I do have to learn to let go while still holding onto being a primal mother. Our first two children were breastfed for three years each, and we really hope our third can have the same for a long stretch. It takes enormous energy and strength. With pelvic instability, you’re often a bit less mobile than you’d expect, yet you still want to do certain things with your children as a primal mother.
Something I do with them regularly is bake cakes. Last week I was exhausted after a full day with all three kids. My husband came home and cooked, and asked if I wanted to take a bath — I did. In the bath, I trusted completely that everything was fine, just like any other day when I need to step out for work and he stays home with the children. He often works from home too, keeping an eye on them while I’m away or working. Working and carrying your baby can go hand in hand just fine, and my husband is quite happy to pick the baby up and carry them so he can keep going.
Some might wonder why I even mention this. As an African girl, I remember my father was often at work, and aunts would come help my mother. My father rarely had to concern himself much with the children. Now that we have no one nearby who can help us regularly, we have to find our own ways to give our children full attention while still doing our work. My wish to pass this on to more fathers is a strong one — too many families fall apart, sometimes over the smallest reasons.
