Humans practicing Empathy, all women connected

I was busy writing this short blog since this morning, also because I wouldn’t like to let this day go unnoticed. Everything goes through my head when I think mainly of a woman who brought me here in this world. Unforgettable! Indispensable, yet she’s gone. She lives in me and in my children. This woman I mention almost every day. This woman has lived in her years when women were not yet liberated but she fought hard that her daughters became who they are now. Anyway, of course I don’t want to talk only about me.

Last years were not easy at all. I have realized that we meet people for a reason. That’s why you that people may come into your life for a shorter period. Some stick around despite the fact that you sometimes say openly things that may bring people into thinking depending on the level of thinking and receiving the particular message/

These people are:

Moms,

Ladies,

Pregnant women,

Girls,

Single moms,

Grandma’s,

Aunts,

Mother-in Laws.

Between all these ladies there are many who would like to have a baby, many who have already given birth and enough trying to find balance between work and family. Between all those ladies also enough who don’t have children for various reasons. Still women. They fight for a second child, they fight for their relationship to work out, fight for friendship or family ties. I can appoint anything but I don’t know any better than I what I have already experienced.  I’m learning a lot! I’m not perfect myself! I’m glad to get to know all these women. I thought I needed someone to sympathize with me because I don’t have a mother or mother-in-law knocking at my door to ask how I feel or take the kids for some hours. No, the grass is never  greener at the neighbors. I thought  my situation was worse when I  got 3 Cesareans, but then turns out that friend hasn’t been able to breast-feed because of cancer or Aids.

Life is complicated and we women do not make it easy for ourselves and certainly not for others. There are things that  can be difficult to release and that is also different per woman. Over the last few years, I’ve only been coming across strong, driven women. I have also learnt that not everyone necessarily has to walk up your alley, as long as you  respect one another, you will see that it works for you too. Keep stimulating each other! Give each other a lot, correct each other where it goes wrong and don’t gossip behind the back. Help each other improve relationships with our men and children and not destroy. Unfortunately, this is also the case.

My concern this year and the next few years is when we are actually going to behave differently, eat or feel because we like to lose weight. Because someone has ever determined a size clothing as an ideal. However, I found out that healthy are not necessarily slim. Everything has its own extreme sides and everything that’s too much is not good. Hopefully, we’ll manage to find the balance and be happy. Punt.

Love you all!

Thanks to ladies who participated and participated in the babycarryworkout this year during the negenmaandenbeurs! You were so good! I’m very grateful to get to know you guys. Your children have been allowed to meet and you entrusted me to share these vulnerable moments with you. That is nice to be able to be twice a week with people where you can easily discuss female inconveniences and comforts and make a nice family life at home.

Happy International Women’s day. Just showing my appreciation to all women have met so far, women I have learnt a lot from and women who guide me in difficult moments and years! Not forgetting to mention my own mom who made it happen, a woman whom we cannot live without but no longer there

Coexistence is only fun when it’s mutual

I came to the Netherlands at the end of 1994 and did not even know that there were many other groups of people living in Europe I was in Holland for 3 weeks and we stayed in because there was too much snow outside. We had never experienced snow before. My brother had applied after his study in Zimbabwe and was adopted at an international organization in the Hague. We came as expats.

One day we went to the other side of the Hague, where the market was, on advice from my brother’s colleague. So that was in the Schilderswijk. We lived in Statenkwartier, behind Frederik Hendriklaan there at the tourist. Quite an expensive district of the Hague.

It wasn’t convenient to go bycar to Hobbemastraat on Saturday because it could be very busy.

We went by the tram, tram 11 and when we approached, the market on I saw huge many other people and as I learned at school, I knew something about Asians, Africans and people from the middle east, Jamaica, Venezuela And Cuba. Bob Marley has even been to my country.

The world has opened, because I kept asking my brother and then he made books for me including the Undutchables.

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Until today, we in the south of Africa do not learn how slavery has taken place in other countries. I celebrated Sinterklaas after I met my Dutch husband He fourth that in Veenendaal and we went there on the presents.

I liked how people were connected to each other when they read the poems. I’m in favor of connection. I like it when families do things with each other. So packages night was fun to be with. But there are plenty of other ways
In 2007 before I had kids, I played black UNPAINTED Pete because I wanted to see how kids would react. I did this because I was just doubting and because I already noticed colleagues and people around me had those other colors that they weren’t happy about it. I’ve seen comments from the kids. They didn’t see me differently. I was scared. The fact that we have not done slavery history in Zimbabwe explains a lot of confusion in what is happening in the Netherlands. There are also pretty few Zimbabweans here because the embassy is in Brussels. The behavior of a Dutchman to me is different from a behavior of a french or English to me. Let alone the behavior of someone from Austria and Switzerland. Let’s get to know our past better, and look at our upbringing from then, and upbringing from now. Sometimes you can’t stick around in the past because it makes you feel good. I say, just keep making poems for each other. Connect to each other, within families and families. You’ll see that you don’t need a party to get together. In Zimbabwe, we celebrate everything. As long as there’s music, drums, and dancers. The point being:

I understand the feeling of people who have ancestors with a slavery past. One would like to see a normal society where a black woman, for example, can run her own business without having to prove extra for it.
I recently got to know a lot of Surinamese and Antillean. But also get to know a lot of Dutch people. Both sides have a story. I can’t say I’m putting a story on the side and I understand the other story. I’d rather not put myself in a booth. I’ll actually just want to see the world as one. That’s how I want to raise my children. I already do.

Well, I can speak for myself. I love connection, #bonding #familybonding #humanbonding.
It hurts me when I see that in the country where I live a lot of hate comes to each other because people are afraid of change. Look at yourself and see how many people are trying to share love. What do you like about each other, cherish that. What better? Correct each other, support each other. Keep smiling it’s not the end on the world. I see a lot of people today who go to Africa or share other world and these people come back with enormous respect for how other people live. You can’t say you know better. Can hardly ever.

Integratiecursus doesn’t work until you’re the one who’s well-known, so we call it native here.

How did it come that I can learn languages easily?

In 1998 I met my current husband and then only I got interest in Dutch society and language. Otherwise, I would have just gone back to Zimbabwe after my study and or to a country where they just have English as a language. Canada, New Zealand, or England. We spoke in English first. 3 years later I could already speak fluent Dutch and write.

Still learned how to make couscous and Asian rice o yes and pom I can make. I know the seasons of Stampotten (typical dutch food), too. That already indicates that the Netherlands is a multicultural country. Ever counted how many European people live in Africa? And that by country.

What I never did was that I was looking for fellow human beings from my native country. I didn’t need that, though I’m still homesick. Development wouldn’t be so stimulated. I’d like to learn something else, other language of the residents themselves. I’ve been seeing this for years that, now that I’ve mastered the language, I easily get in touch with a lot of people.

I don’t like organized holiday myself, I’d rather come among people. In Greece and all the other countries, people are simply to be trusted than what is being told here sometimes. A piece of autonomy.

My husband said, ” Honey, do you know why I’m so crazy about you “? you speak a bum today, you make him laugh, average person, and you make him laugh ” yesterday you just spoke the minister and in the same way And you made him laugh ” you’re a world woman.

Secretly, I was proud.

Because I control the language well, I don’t feel so soon threatened by my own fears. I understand what one means. I even went to buy the “Bartlett” and every time again the new green book.

My very first dutch teacher I remember well. Mrs. Spout, what a lovely woman that was. Every year, a good deal with “the big dictation” is delicious in front of Television and join all those difficult words. Someday I’d like to join in real. I’m now at a stage where I’m just being asked in the playground by other mothers if I was adopted. Whether I was a baby when I moved in here. Fortunately, I always say that I was born and raised in Africa. On My 22th pass, I came to live here.

I’ve been able to travel a lot through the Now I’d like to drive over the afsluitdijk! That sounds like a lot of fun! Friesland and drenthe I need to get to know even better. All the other regions I have been, partly because I took a “Zomertoerkaart” from the ns every summer and then could travel unlimited by the Netherlands. That’s great. Now I have my license, also something like that.. not born here so only later after your 30st your driver’s license.. I’ll tell you that in my next blog. I’m also grateful because I can now run my company a little better, transport kids. Even if I can do it on the bike, sometimes it’s handy. Now I travel a lot through my work, but I still don’t want to use Tomtom, then I’m so dependent again and I don’t know where I really am. I’m really not cocky hear 😉.

Yet it falls to me when I have someone who is born and raised in the Netherlands the ruling my mother dares to write. So far, there was no tolerated when you write or speak wrong language.
These days with Facebook and Twitter, you can easily improve your writing skills. Still looking for the balance remains important. Because otherwise, you’re going back to the colloquial development, so then more and more people in real speak. What I am very hoping for is more correction in spelling errors, that if a friend, man or knowledge notices it immediately, it also writes the right word. That will be very nice for me.

I’ll give a tip to the one who likes to integrate. Go with the inhabitants. Are you a church man visit a church? Are you a cafe, snooker, theatre, type? Name it, save some pennies and visit the places. No money? No point, because there are plenty of volunteers who can help you to an association. Do you speak English? Make sure the residents don’t speak English to you directly. Keep asking that they speak the own language with you. Always ask for corrections, dare to speak the language and write with the mistakes. You’ll notice that one way or another you’re going to help.

That one laughs or bothers you will always run against it, it is now up to you to be strong in your shoes, because it is only for your own good.

PS. Should I have made linguistic above, please respond below with correct wording and also the correct words. Already thanks

Vulnerable people are truly lovers

People who easily show their love, who doesn’t keep it inside are the best parents. If you calculate the amount of love you give or distribute among st your children, then the chance is higher that you cannot fully or truly love. Be that person who say it out when you feel it. Especially to your children because they need to learn to love in the future.
Translation to this is, never be ashamed to show your feelings to anyone especially when those feelings are genuine.

Image may contain: Melissa Budding, smiling, standing and text

Children need to know vulnerability not toughness, because no one likes tough people. Being vulnerable is even more difficult than being tough.
Being vulnerable is therefore stronger, because some people may end up mistaken vulnerable for weakness and abuse that. So be careful with those people who show true love, because they are not easy to break.

Connection between the animals are subsequently to people

I only gave a lecture about connecting, bonding, family and so on. I described what I was doing all these years. Family connection, then friends, then with your other loved ones, your animals. Even a farmer commits and adheres to / on his cattle. I recognize from my idiosyncratic roots, Zimbabwe where people and animals mainly in rural areas are highly interconnected.

Connection between the animals are subsequently to people

Sometimes cows or donkeys seen when they help people? They chat with each other, looking at each other and leave food behind each other and feed the young. As a child I helped my parents with the cattle, together with my brothers and sister. When I look back, I am particularly impressed with how we worked with neighborhood boys and girls. They also helped parents during planting, sowing and harvesting, and cattle. It happened a lot and it was really obvious that every child just had a take. Each task connected us also with the cattle we were doing.

I remember mostly the names we give to the cows. Each cow had a name that suited his character. From the moment it is a calf, the children and parents feel what it is. I write in the present tense because it still happened. I often get messages from my brother with the pictures of the remaining cattle.

Because names, creates a connection between man and animal, by regularity we were just connected.

Regularity and compound

From my parents I learned to get up very early. My parents had cows, goats, shelves, chickens, turkeys, dogs and cats. There was great diversity in.

They were so many and yet we knew one on which it was and what it did and luster. Which eggs when it comes. We lived with season.

We ate seasonal vegetables, we were dependent on the moon. We slept early because it was faster dark. My mother always said “Basa Mangwanani” and this means better start working early, then you can still enjoy your day, because do you? it’s already evening.

This is what I still do, I remember when I worked at the office in Rotterdam and Schiedam I could often ask my colleagues if they had wet the bed;). So early was ik.Ik h ad been made long coffee and radio turned on to create a fun atmosphere connection to the work floor. I see actually why I did it.

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Thanks for reading my blog. So I asked in February to give a lecture during the nine-month exhibition about what I actually do. This I told such and eventually it went #Familybonding. I continue with my blog when my kids are relax.

Dear greetings
Melissa Budding
Living in the Netherlands since 1996

How Dutch men approach an African woman

When I came to Holland I was too young to know that cultures and behavior between countries could be so different.
As a child I have never learnt anything else than embrace people you meet and treat them with respect.
I am that kind of a person who leaves the house when I am bored. I go and sit somewhere, order a drink and start a chat with people. I have always laughed with everyone. I didn’t know that Dutch people were pretty much reserved. I remember that guys spoke at most when they were drunk. Like during Kingsday and when the national team has won.

I used to visit an Irish pub in Vlaardingen and sometimes Breakaway in Rotterdam. I was mostly the first to start a conversation because I am pretty much interested in a lot of things.
This helped me to learn the language.

As a girl I knew what my mom always told me. No sex when there is no love. So I kept that in my mind at all the time.
I felt very free to talk to whomever I wanted but at the same time I could feel some lack of respect. I have no idea what made a few men think that when you are a black lady you must accept every offer you get even just to dance in a very sexual way. I could feel that these guys assumed I should accept. Probably because by then I was single. So people tend to think you are desperate. Those times in the 90s I was not a slim girl either. I still had a thick bone but not overweight. Those times if you were not as skinny as the models on catwalk then you weren’t really seen as sexy.

So each time especially when guys had a few drinks they would start talking to me freely and start dancing around me without asking for permission.. ofcourse you can guess how furious I did react.
I felt disrespected. At that moment I was too shy to really ask why they did behaved like that.
I remember words like #Dushi #fawaka (and I didn’t know what they meant by then) , which already shows that men assumed every black person who speaks good Dutch must be Surinamese. For me that wasn’t the real issue even though I would prefer to be recognised as me.

Later in the years, married, 3 children. I went with my husband to a local cafe/bar to drink something. By then we had already moved to the village. So you know villages are small. People know the new people already.
We stepped in and ordered some drinks.

There were a few guys standing there talking. They did ask my husband if we were together and my husband said yes. A weeķ later I went on my own because we could not find a babysitter.

That’s when I again experiences the same as before. Even the barman is my witness. The guys came and tried to speak in a Suriname or Antilliaanse language. I heard “hee Dushi”
And started touching my shoulder rubbing my back. As far as I know Dutch man, they do not usually approach you that way if they do have respect for you or when they fall in love with you.
I shouted at him to stop. He was shocked because I really think he did not expect this reaction.
I did ask him one question if he would do the same to a middle class Dutch lady. Apparently there was one standing on the other side of the bar. I asked him to go and do the same to that lady. He definately didn’t and he said no. At that he apologised and he felt ashamed of himself.

He actually thought black girls were easy going and would not say not to a white guy. And he did apologise and that was the first moment we started to have normal conversation at a certain level.

What if I was desperate, or insecure or maybe looking for love that badly such that I could not see the mean ideas behind??
I am really grateful that I have always had people around me who were supportive. What if I was illegal and I needed a greencard? What if I had debts, and I needed someone to help me? What I was desperate for a job and I needed someone to help me out.
Sometimes desperate situations put people in situations where they will be misused.

#knowyourworth #selflove #selfreflection.

Tips to young girls:

Whenever you feel like the world is not embracing you the way you deserve, do not accept fake love! People should learn to respect and that can only happen when you respect yourself. I do understand and I learn everyday that they are a lot of girls even men these days who are in a position where they do not want to be because of personal, financial situations. Those people I wrote this for, to help the world to learn respect one another

tips to African black sisters,

Whenever you show your worth, in whatever situation you are, you push away disrespectful people.
By imitating you are are actually telling someone my original me isn’t worth embracing.

Slavery and modern colonization still exist. Let alone self enslavement

I do not want to lie to you. Confidence is not for sale. You can learn to be confident and not to be overconfident.
I have realized that it may take longer for an African girl, woman, mother and all other women to realize how beautiful they are already.
How much does it take for a woman to lose confidence?
A demanding society? a demanding parent when you are teenager?
Sense of inferiority caused by either slavery or colonization therefore having problems in self acceptance. Women failing to compliment one another and rather compete? That’s a sense of inferioruty

Do not forget slavery still exist, and modern colonization too. Let alone self enslavement.

  • being privileged, when you have been told by your society and parents that its only you who counts and you are the best, therefore suffer from incompetence and scared to lose. Being privileged can be dangerous especially if you are not aware. there are always better people out there.
  • a man’s society who are brainwashed that all women should be at a certain size for them to be considered as beautiful, and that they have to be have long hair to reach an accepted standard (sexy and content)
  • Insecure women without good sex at home therefore focus on their looks and nationalize that, yet we are not all the same.

  • Fashion industry, which we as a society could influence very easily instead of them influencing us, what do they know?

Be you, be yourself, love your looks, do not iimitate unless it suits you, get to know your body better and there buy clothes accordingly. Never rely on a compliment from others for you to continue.
#believeinyourtrueself #selflove #selfreflection #knowyourworth #knowyouringredients #teteMuchaneta #TeteMucha

Time is very important in life

We all pass through a certain phase of our life. We were young we are young and we will all grow older, have babies. At some point our lives may have changed due to circumstances.
I have always learnt to enjoy every moment like tomorrow will never come. Now all I need to do is check my old pictures and post, to remind myself of those moments when I either had my first baby or before. these are the moments that help us re appreciate and remember where we come from.
Each time I look at my mother figure, I am proud because that body has done a lot of work, a lot more work than we sometimes can imagine of.
I love being a mom.
I know that at some point when my last daughter is at school, that my body will start to recover from parenthood. But for now I enjoy the phase I am in without any fear.
#believeinyourtrueself #selflove #selfrlection38151533_635079953521658_510851476134821888_n